No one gets married with a plan to get divorced.
Any family law dispute, especially a divorce, leaves both parties with feelings of failure. After all, no one gets married with a plan to get divorced later. Whether you are the person leaving the marriage, or the person being left, the impending end of a marriage does represent a failure of a couple’s pre-wedding vision of their future.

Added to this, the “power struggles” that always accompany a marriage do not necessarily end just because one or both parties decides to end that marriage. Failed marriages are indicative of power struggles which have not been successfully managed, and divorcing couples bring these issues into their divorce litigation … sometimes with the encouragement of their attorneys, who, too often, see the resulting hostility as a means to creating more litigation (and more billable hours).

Breiter and Gura will help defuse these problems and focus on what can be settled

We have spent many years studying the chemistry of these power struggles, and our office is prepared to give you the best advice on how to defuse many of these problems, and, instead, to concentrate on settling the legal and emotional issues that confront you and moving on with your life.

One of the most difficult matters with which clients often have to deal is the fact that the courts are almost never concerned with the underlying behavior of the parties that triggered their desire to get a divorce. Some clients pin their hopes on getting their “day in court,” during which they dream of humiliating their spouse, and, as a result, winning enormous financial settlements to compensate them for their pain and suffering.

In fact, when judges are brought into the divorce process, all they can concern themselves with is to provide for the children (if any), set spousal support if necessary, and split up the assets of the marriage. The divorce courts are simply not designed to render judgment on people’s behavior or morality, and then to assess penalties based on those judgments. Almost always, “who-did-what-to-whom” is not the issue, and your spouse is not going to be punished by the divorce courts for their behavior.

The law sets guidelines for many issues

In addition, many of the matters that need to be addressed in a divorce action are already mandated by law; others have reasonable guidelines that have been developed through tens of thousands of decisions in the New York courts. An attorney who promises to “take your mate for everything they’re worth,” is probably attempting to draw you emotionally into complex and expensive litigation, even though many of the issues of equitable distribution, child support and maintenance have reliable guidelines. A GOOD matrimonial attorney should be able to give you a reasonable estimate of what your economic status will be at the end of the case, and not promise you more than the State of New York thinks you’re entitled to.

The bottom line is that you will not be able to settle your emotional issues through either negotiation or litigation. It is our experience that many of the underlying questions regarding the failure of a marriage may, in fact, never be answered; your spouse will never be held to account for their past misdeed, and the expected emotional turmoil that comes along with the dissolution of a marriage is more suited to a therapist’s office. Emotional revenge is simply not available through the courts.